Mediocracy

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while. I always think about stuff to write as I'm trying to fall asleep and then when I think I have time to sit down and write, a kid needs something. You know how it is. First I want to write a little disclaimer. I not seeking sympathy or anything like that about what I'm going to write about it's just how I've felt for a long time and I'm perfectly fine about it. But on the other hand I know my view of my own life may be different in other peoples eyes.

The other day I had to take Brady in to see the doctor b/c he had been having his fevers again but they were lasting a lot longer than usual and he had been complaining about his throat hurting a lot. So I took him in to a local doc here in Ephrata just to be safe.

The doctor was very pleasant and he mentioned how he had seen Aaron last week for an appt. He then asked me to remind him of what Aaron did for a living and I told he that he was the finance manager at the Con Agra plant in Quincy. He said "oh yes, now I remember. He's pretty young to get that position, I'm sure he works very long hours." I said he does, but he was really good at balancing work and home life.
It got me to thinking.

I'm extremely proud of Aaron for doing so well in a company that he's really only worked at for about three years. Aaron's always been extremely good at everything he does, whether it be at his job as a nuclear missilier, football coach, or finance manager. He was an exceptional athlete in high school as well as a good student. Soon after I fell in love with him I realized that no matter what he did in life he would be successful at it. Some people just have that "IT" factor and Aaron is one of those people that are just good at everything mostly because they work their ass off to do so. These people also tend to be perfectionists to some degree. My point is these people aren't just lucky, they work hard to get where they're at. Aaron still has doubt about his performance at his job, but I never worry about it and I make sure I tell him so.

This is where I get to the part where I really don't want anyones sympathy. I'm not one of those people that I mentioned above. I'm not even in the same neighborhood as those people. I'm just mediocre. And I'm learning to be ok with that. To be honest I really struggled with it growing up, especially having a little brother who was way too smart for his own good. I never got horrible grades in school but I was always a B student, sometimes I would get A's but only in things like English or History. That's not to say that there aren't some extremely smart people with English or History degree's. Having a higher degree in any subject is a huge accomplishment in my opinion, whether it be in literature or science.

In college I had no idea what I was getting onto when I started an interior design degree. I wanted to pursue a degree where I could use my imagination and common sense to solve problems. So that's why I chose interior design. I honestly thought it would be more interior decorating, but I was way wrong. We were thrown in with architects and engineers in drafting classes and I was way out of my element. Most of the kids had taken some sort of drafting at their high schools and I hadn't, so I was completely lost. I struggled with every interior design class I took except for any class that had to do with the history of design. I loved those classes and I really never had to study for tests because I could just retain the information from the class. Unfortunately there were only about three or four history classes the whole time I was in college. The majority of interior design was studio and you were expected to generate a design, whether it be a piece of furniture or a retail space from an abstract object and then carry that design out into completely rendered drawings as well as a detailed model. I really had no artistic background so again this was a struggle and my professors knew it. After I shockingly passed Junior boards and made it to 3rd year studio my professor told me that I was right on the cusp and they believed that I was a late bloomer. But I graduated above a 3.0 average and I'm really proud of myself for doing so. I still have doubts though that I should have just done something like teaching. Not that teaching isn't difficult but I probably would have done better at it and found a job a whole lot easier.

Thankfully I found that I enjoy project management a whole lot more that designing, but I'm was still not the best at my job as a project manager. My first job as a project manager I was pregnant and I suppose I did alright but I was still learning a lot about the building process and made some mistakes. My second job I did better but when I was at work I was always thinking about the kids at home and while I was at home trying to work, I was busy trying to be a Mom too. I could tell in my boss's eyes that I was only doing about a B average job. Which is what I've been doing my whole life.

I just can't seem to put everything I've got into a job and do 110% like Aaron does or my sister, or my brother. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. I'm aware of the issue, but I still don't change. I'm not saying that I don't have moments where I really hit the ball out of the park, but these moments are rare and they aren't enough to advance ones career too far. Thankfully I have a bright and bubbly personality. :) Most of my bosses have always liked me. My last boss stopped by our house to say goodbye when he saw the moving truck in front of it and I hadn't seen him in a year, so that must mean something right?

Even with writing these damn blogs I know I'm mediocar. I read other peoples blog and they are so articulate and written so well. I know I'm an English teachers worst nightmare. I'm completely aware of it. When I took English 101 while I was doing running start at YVCC my senior year of high school, I told my English teach that I wanted to be a journalist. She flat out told me that I would never be a journalist and I should think of something else to do. She was also a huge bitch, but that's beside the point.

I've never been exceptional at any one thing. Except.....wait for it...it's gonna get cheesy.....being a MOM. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I don't ever have doubts about being a good Mom. That doesn't necessarily make me exceptional but I always try my hardest to be a good Mom. I know I don't do everything perfect but my children are happy, healthy and relatively normal so at the end of the day that's all that really matters. I truly am happy being a stay at home Mom. Not to say that I don't want to pull my hair out every now and then but I would much rather stay at home with my children than work at this point in my life and my main goal is raising those happy, healthy little widgets to be happy, healthy, well adjusted big widgets.

As I write this I"m having second thoughts about posting it, but I really gotta get it out of my head. Sorry for any gramatical errors, I'm only me. :)

Maybe one day I will find that ONE thing that I'm exceptional at.