Where to start?

This is going to be a blog about both diabetes and about how the pregnancy is going. Don't expect this post to make too much sense or be grammatically correct b/c seriously folks, I'm operating on way to little sleep. Even for me.

Ok, here is an example of how our nights go with Brady's blood sugar: 1/31-2/1

8:39 pm: it's been about two hours after he ate dinner and the goal is to have his blood sugar below 200. We check him at this time and he's 205. We feel pretty good about this considering he's about to go to bed.

9:34pm: we check him again and he's 110. You may ask us why we check him only an hour later but if you notice he's dropped almost 100 points in a hour and it was within the third hour of his last insulin bolus. Insulin is supposedly only active in your body for four hours and peaks after an hour and a half. A 100 point drop in the third hour is alot. Aaron and I give him 5 carbs worth of an orange and a little apple juice.

10:32pm: He's been asleep for about an hour now and so have I but, I wake up to check him again b/c he often gets low in the fourth hour of active insulin. He's 174 which is good and I feel like I can sleep for a while.

11:32pm: I just automatically wake up. I don't know why,I just do. When I have multiple nights of waking up every hour like I have been, it's really hard for me to just sleep without waking up naturally. So I check him and he's 125. This doesn't sit well with me b/c he doesn't have any active insulin and we've messed with his basal rate (the constant amount of insulin he gets every hour to keep his blood sugar stable) every night to make sure he doesn't get low. Oh yeah, we've had him on a temporary basal increase for the last week b/c he got one of his PFAPA fevers last weekend and his BG tends to run high after his fevers. Earlier in the week he was on a 200% increase but now we have him on a 150% increase which basically means he is getting 50% more basal insulin every hour than he normally does. I decide to give him a little juice, like 5-7 carbs worth and drop his temp basal down to 125%. FYI, he really doesn't wake up when I do all this. I go back to bed and tell myself that I'm not going to check him for at least two more hours.

12:47am: I can't help it, I wake up again. I try to go back to sleep and tell myself that I will wake up in an hour but the night before I didn't wake up after an hour and I slept an extra half an hour and he dropped from 172 to 41 in an hour and a half. Thank God Aaron woke up and checked him and gave him juice. When this happens, it really makes me feel like a horrible mother. I know, I know. I'm not, but it just really feels like I've dropped the ball ya know. So after unsuccessfully trying to quiet the voices of doubt in my head I check him again and he's 215. I feel really good about this and I go back to bed knowing he shouldn't get low in the next two hours.

2:56am: So I get two hours of sleep and then check him and he's 196. Freakin awesome. I go back to bed without any worry that he'll get low. I'm think to myself that I made the right decision to give him some juice when he was 125 and lower his basal, b/c in reality you just never know if it's the right decision or not.

4:47am: I check him again to make sure his BG isn't getting too high which tends to happen around this time. He's 254, not great. The pump suggests to correct him with
.03 of a unit, but I give him .02 b/c I don't want him to get low, which also tends to happen in the early mornings.

6:43am: I hear Aaron get up to get in the shower and I ask him to check Brady so I don't have to physically get out of bed. He comes back in after checking him and tells me he's "f**king 341". And I think "why the hell can't we dial this in better. We make little changes and we get the complete opposite effect we want. It's beyond frustrating. Aaron corrects him and I try to go back to sleep until the boys wake me up.

7:50am: The boys wake up and we go downstairs to start our breakfast routine. I don't offer Brady any breakfast yet b/c I want his BG to go down a little before he starts to eat.

8:30am: I check him b/c he is now hungry and he's 160. Which makes me sigh with relief. He asks for a whole wheat waffle with sugar free syrup. I give him a bolus for 20 carbs. He eats the waffle in seriously 1 minute and asks for cereal. I give him a bowl of honey nut cheerios and bolus for another 20 carbs. I feed Ryker toast and then give them both some grapes. I give Brady another bolus for 15 carbs for the grapes. Brady doesn't normally eat this much but after his fevers he always seems to eat twice as much as he usually does. It's almost like he has a growing spurt or something.

So you might be thinking "why does she need to check his blood sugar so much at night?"
My #1 fear is that his blood sugar gets too low at night and he does not wake up when he's low. Some diabetics do, but Brady does not. If his blood sugar is too low for too long he can have seizures and go into a coma. And since he doesn't sleep in our room anymore there is no way I would know if this happened or not.

You may also be asking yourself "what does all this waking up do to Kim considering she is 31 weeks pregnant?" Well, besides the fact that I have permanent circles under my eyes that I doubt will ever go away, or the fact that I am probably lessening my life span, I have developed some heart palpitations.

By heart palpitations I mean my heart beats really hard, as though it's going to jump out of my throat. It beats so hard it makes me cough. My doctor and my Dad say that this isn't abnormal for pregnant woman to have this issue and that I should stay away from caffeine. I do, but it still happens, and it's so hard to sleep when it beats hard like that. Not only does it beat hard, but it will skip a beat and then beat even harder when it comes back. It's a horrible feeling and I hate it. I've noticed that it will almost always start beating funny after I check Brady's blood sugar which makes me come to the conclusion that it beats like that due to the emotional roller coaster I go on every time I check his blood sugar and the fact that I'm not getting enough sleep at night. My Mom had the same problem with her heart and she said it started around the time her Dad died. Stress can do a number on your body. Besides the heart issue I've also sort of re-injured a prior herniated disk in my back from bending over so much to check Brady's blood sugar at night. I have a little more weight in the upper half of my body and it's just too much for my back. This makes my back hurt and the pain radiated from my back all the way down my right leg to my foot.

After I have the baby, I would really like to get on some anti-anxiety medicine b/c I really need some chemical help and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I think it will help me sleep a little better. Three hours of straight sleep would be wonderful. You also may be wondering why Aaron doesn't check Brady more at night. He actually did check him most of the time on Friday and Sat. night. He generally helps me out on the weekends so I can catch up on sleep, but I still wake up wanting to know where his BG is. I'm a worrier, I can't help it. I blame my mother. For the past month and a half Aaron has been really busy with work and having to work some on the weekends so I feel as though he needs to get a good nights sleep b/c he is the one making the money for us to live. He tells me to just set the alarm so he can wake up to check Brady b/c he's just not programed to wake up as much as I do, but I don't. I don't know why, I guess I just feel like it's my duty.

It was really nice having Aaron home this weekend though. I was just nice not to have to get up off the coach as much to get the boys food, or something to drink, or wipe their butts. It's amazing how draining that can be when your pregnant. It's so hard to get off the sofa now, it's not even funny. Ryker is on his way to being completely potty trained by the way, as long as we keep him naked all day long.

The boys spent a lot of time with Aaron outside this weekend and it was nice to have some time to myself. I actually made a baby blanket for the baby out of some super soft Minky fabric. It's far from perfect but it looks pretty good from a distance, we'll see if it stays together after I wash it.

Ryker and I got to spend a little alone time together today and it is really different when it's just him and I during lunch or any other time he eats b/c there is not as much work when I have to feed him. I don't have to worry about how many carbs he's eating or if he's getting enough protein with the carbs in his meal. I can just feed him like a normal kid. When he decides he wants to eat something other than cookies and grapes that is.

Sorry this is such a long post. I had to get this crap out of my head. I applaud you for reading the whole thing. Congrats.

ps. I really don't feel like proof reading this monster of a post, so sorry your just going to have to go with the flow. Oh yeah, have a wonderful day. :)