Rolling with the punches

Dude...I should have that one stitched on a pillow, b/c I always forget to do it. My initial reaction to news that isn't what I expected is usually not a good one. In others words I tend to freak out a bit, then I cry (which isn't often), then I get depressed and turn in to a mute, and then I say to myself "f*ck it" and "grow a pair, it's not that big of a deal". This generally happens within an hour or so of the initial news. I wish I would remember to just jump to the last step and give my heart a break b/c it's those other steps that I think have gotten my heart in trouble in the first place.

Ok, so I will back up at this point b/c your probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Right before Christmas I had a follow up echocardiogram since my cardiologist had taken me off the beta-blocker (the medicine that blocks the adrenaline to my heart) he wanted to see how my heart did pumping blood without the medicine. Every appt. I've had with my cardiologist since my initial "heart attack" (see the post from April 7th 2010)
has been great, everything has been back to normal. When I met with him this last time things didn't go quite as I thought they would. He asked me how I was feeling and I said "Great! I have so much more energy now that I'm not on the medicine anymore". Man, I must have sounded pretty naive. He said that my heart wasn't pumping at full capacity like it was when I was on the medicine. Now it's pumping at the lowest level of normal, where before it was pumping at the highest level of normal. I think I remember hearing that right after I had my "heart attack" my heart was only pumping at something like %20 of what it normally should be. Anyway, he is worried that if it continues to pump like it is then we might run into some more problems. Grrrr!!!! Which means I'm going to have to take this medicine for the rest of my life. Which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but it just was not what I was expecting. It really threw me for a loop. I know, I know, I should be so thankful that I can just take a pill to solve my health issues, I mean good lord I have a kid with diabetes and I'm complaining. I guess I have a problem with being perceived as fragile or something. Ughh, I'm such a head case sometimes.

Anyhow, I'm back on the meds plus he wants me to take a baby asprin everyday too so I made the best of it and decided that I would conform to being an old person who takes a lot of medicine and get a pill organizer since I'm up to 3 pills a day now.

After my appt. I got out of his office as fast as I could so I wouldn't cry like a baby in front of him, instead I cried like a proper lady in my car with my mother and three kids. The kids were actually really sweet when they saw me crying. Jilly came quickly over to sit on my lap and she took her little hands and put them on my face to turn my head to look at her. She looked at me like "don't cry Mamma, it will be ok". The boys asked me what was wrong and I told them that I had to take some medicine and that I didn't want to. Brady told me that it would all be ok, but Ryker takes the cake on this day. He says to me "Well Mamma, sometimes we have to do things we don't like to do, but we still have to do it b/c it will make us feel better, like taking shots Mamma." Touche' Rykie, Touche'. Love those little monkey's.